Have you ever been in a situation where you’ve had a nanny for a while, she was lovingly taking care of your child then all of a sudden she reports to you that she has a family emergency and needs to be out of the country for some time and wasn’t sure when she would be back? If this has happened to you, then have no doubt, you’re not alone.
It seems like the words “family emergency“ is code for “you’re being ghosted.” Many parents who have found themselves in this situation immediately blame the nanny and have gone so far as to post her photo and name online to publicly shame and ruin her reputation and her chances of future employment.
This may seem like the fair thing to do at the moment because you’re angry and feel hurt, but have you really stopped to consider why your nanny left? Could it be because of something you did or said? Here are some possible reasons why you may have fallen victim to this:
Poor Compensation
Are you paying your nanny a decent living wage? Are you paying on time or does she constantly need to remind you to pay her? Are you paying for additional hours and being respectful of her time or trying to take advantage of the fact that she is already there and can’t leave your child alone while you consistently arrive home late? Can she take care of her monthly financial responsibilities and still have a little extra to tuck away in her savings? Is she being fairly compensated to match the responsibilities of her job?
Ask yourself as an employee, would you be okay with being unfairly compensated? And if the opportunity presents itself for a better paying position, would you stay or would you go? After all, aren’t we all looking to better ourselves, to have a better quality of life? Then why shouldn’t this be a priority for your nanny as well?
Too Many Unrealistic Expectations
Many parents hire nannies with the expectations that they are supposed to make their lives easier. They expect to come home to a freshly prepared dinner and find that the nanny has taken care of all the child’s needs, spent quality time with the child, did the laundry, food shopping, scrubbed the kitchen, scrubbed the bathroom, mopped the entire home, did the ironing, packed lunches for the following day, took care of the dogs, accept packages and the list goes on and on.
Carefully consider the tasks that you are delegating to your nanny. Are you being fair and more importantly, are you being realistic? Keep in mind that nannies are supposed to get several breaks during the day for important things like lunch and to use the bathroom. Also, additional non-childcare related duties means that your child will be getting less attention from the nanny.
Inconsistencies With The Contract
Are you being respectful of the terms and conditions stated in your contract? Are you asking for “favors” that weren’t mentioned in the contract? Did you promise 5 weeks of paid vacation when you can realistically only offer 3? Are you honoring sick leave, personal days and Federal/National holidays? Are you asking her to walk your dog or changing her working hours without having a discussion first?
Breakdown Of Communication
In any work environment, there needs to be proper communication in order for things to run smoothly. If you and your nanny have unresolved issues and you choose to communicate with her via post-it notes, instead of addressing the issues and giving her the opportunity to make the adjustment and do better, then you are creating a situation where your nanny will dread coming to work and will eventually start to seek employment elsewhere.
Lack Of Trust
There have been numerous stories about children being hurt by their nannies or caregivers. Many families choose to have a nanny camera to ensure the safety of their children and give them some peace of mind. Lots of nannies generally understand and respect the need for concern in that area. However, when a family doesn’t disclose that they have cameras and are secretly recording the nanny, that’s when it becomes an issue. Or when it’s been hidden for a year and then suddenly it’s front and center in the living room, that sends the message that you don’t feel comfortable with the nanny.
Children That Won’t Behave
In many homes, children fight with each other and are very rude and disrespectful to their parents because they are not being disciplined, taught about boundaries or what behaviors are and are not acceptable. When the nanny comes into the home, some parents assume that the nanny will magically transform the children’s behavior and in other cases, the nanny is expected to allow the children to be rude and abusive to her.
Messy Disorganized Home
Parents, what does the work space at your job look like? Would you be okay if someone left garbage all over your desk, forcing you to spend some time cleaning it up instead of being able to get straight to work? Are you expecting the nanny to pick up and clean up after you? Are you leaving dirty laundry all over the dining room table and floors, or empty water bottles all over the apartment, or the dirty pots, pans and dishes from the weekend, or dinner and breakfast dishes for the nanny to clean?
Are you taking the time to clean up the high chair and surrounding areas after the baby eats? Are there any clean feeding bottles at the start of the nanny’s work day or will she be forced to search and gather them up from under the couch, behind the bed or under a kitchen sink full of dirty dishes before your child can be served? If any of this sounds familiar, then please consider providing a clean work environment for your nanny.
So parents, please be kind, respectful and appreciative of your nanny. No one leaves a great job without just cause. And to those of you who have been ghosted, it’s time to evaluate the relationship to see how you may have contributed to the negative outcome so that you can avoid those issues with your new hire.